When we begin, the parent will be doing most of the work. We do this all the time, compensating for any deficit. With our consultant, we are to figure out how to stay connected. At first, the parent is the one aware. The child has no idea the parent guide has been over-compensating. We need to get the child to take on more and more of the role we want for him or her.
Today at the RDI seminar I attended, we watched a video of a parent and child emptying the dishwasher. In the beginning, the mom handed each piece to the child. Then, she moved aside and the child took something out and handed it to her. Then she switched back and began to hand items to him again. Sometimes, he did not know where an item went. She would indicate it, moving near to him, but not talking. She just smiled, encouraging him. She moved slowly. (We were told that in fact, she is a busy physician, who is smart and quick. She was slowing her pace so that he had time to take part and to think about where each item went.) She kept a close zone of connection. He did not try to leave when there was a pause. She simply looked at him, and he responded, filling his role of partner in emptying the dishwasher. He is eleven. I have begun a similar situation with Alan. I have waited until he is at the table and when he was not actually eating, handed him the glasses or some bowls across the island. Now, I have to get the video camera onto the tripod and videotape us emptying the dishwasher. First, though, I will have to clear up my paper mess on the counter. One of my responsibilities is to create order and that is something I need to do. The kitchen counter is a paper "hot spot" for me.
Labels: framing emptying the dishwasher